BOOK EXCERP BY DEBORAH RUTH DAVIDSOHN

Written August 1999 by Deborah Ruth Davidsohn

I remember my father coming home where we lived on 47th Street in New York. I was playing with a tiny toy record player and disc. The disc did not have any music on it. It was Barbie sized. My father, Harley came into our dining room where I was playing. My friend Suzie was there too - Suzie Semel. Suzie lived downstairs from us. My father was in a little bit of a hurry and told me, "Let's go, where going somewhere very special". He didn't ask any of my sisters to go nor my mother. We went to the Statue of Liberty. It seemed very important that day. Was it important that day to my father that I should see her as it was for him to see her. I was 4 years old. It was late in the day, still daylight - yet dimming and she was closed. No Ferrys going to her. My father felt sad for he wanted to catch the Ferry. So instead we went to high place, some kind of bridge with buildings and stood out in the open cool air looking at her. This was in September in the 1960's.

I didn't wonder then about her, question her presence, know her history, or why she was there. My father stood silent in his long warm coat holding my hand, looking at her with me. I did not say a word nor did my father for a very long time. If I have any bad English it is because I have been raised with many cultures and languages in America. I do have ancestors that came over from Europe to Ellis Island back in the 1800's. My father was born in South America.

It was cold that time of season in New York. I didn't need a point then and just enjoyed being with my father, holding his hand, looking at Lady Liberty and how grand she was. - Just a Statue - A Grand Crown - But a magnificent representation of what we all hope for in our present day lives and for the future - FREEDOM.

What did my father think about while we stood looking on at her? Did he just look like I did? Did he expound at what she represented or what she has represented to thousands of immigrants who were introduced to her grace and majesty? To some she represents law; to others - order; while others - Truth. I have the queezy feeling that she is a 'Golden Calf' to the highest order. Still others wonder what Justice really is and the ones who experience justice believe her to represent just that - JUSTICE. But, why was my father there and why did he pick me to go with him?

I was never to find the answers from him for my father Harley Davidsohn died about three years later. She is just a statue empty of all meaning - a vessel to hold and represent our dreams of what we believe in and hold dearest to our hearts - LOVE - HUMANITY - FAMILY - EQUALITY - AND JUSTICE FOR ALL FOREVERMORE... She is the basis together hand in hand with the constitution on what this great country finds its strength in. We live in a Golden Age of her Golden Flame which represents a light for all those around the world that seek these Golden Dreams - These Golden Truths - To hate America is to hate her fierceness, her ideals, her virtue, her power, her glory, and her truth. We shall all know true justice sooner or later in one way or another about ourselves, god, and if not that then the truth of a warm dinner on the table, or a warm hand to hold, someone to love, someone to care for, a roof over our heads, a warm human being, or the shade of a tree. Gratitude is another whole truth altogether. If we have somehow lost those truths she is still there to give us those truths again and if somehow we havn't known them all - We shall know them in America. The great North - Land of the Free - Home of the Brave - Add to that Freedom of Religion, fair wages, freedom from slavery, equality of all creeds, races, and the sexes.

Some say that a table or Rock can give us these same truths. While still others believe we have to take these truths. Some feel that we can only give ourselves these truths. Still others have to stand up or fight for these truths. I believe all of this. I believe we earned these truths, we worked hard for these truths, and we have been blessed by these truths and for all those who havn't there is Mercy in her eyes and in her mind. Mercy being also her Truth. You shall all know these truths. She is a gift from Italy and respresents a world United in Spirit.

My father spoke at least five languages fluently and practiced medicine. He worked hard for many years to become a doctor while supporting my mother and three sisters. Healing and saving lives is the work I believe of not only nature but the will of God in all God's many names, colors, and incarnations. My father delivered babies, saved people's lives, healed thier wounds and was always available at any hour to help someone if called upon. He never turned anyone down for help and if they needed free doctoring or came to our apartment for help he was there for them. It didn't matter how old, young, what color, what race, or what religion to my father. Oh how I loved my father. I have been blessed and graced with that much in my life and the warm nurturing love of my mother, Harriet who stood strong and took care of our family after my father died in the face of great hardship. My mother supporting four children without the use of Welfare or any college education. I find this actually quite an extraordinary accomplishment. My father didn't leave us any money at all, and no home. My father left us all eachother with alot of love and a memory of love that will live forever. He left me his Bible/Torah, left us with his watch, Keepa, and our lives to live.

I can not turn back the hands of time but I can change the future and create the here and now with positive actions, kindness, compassion, honesty, diligence, persistence, gratitude, and with great love and joy. Let's not forget fun, work, and generosity. These are just words until we put them into action - until we instill meaning into them, and until we take any notice - Sort of like The Statue Of Liberty.

There is no magical river to wash away our sins or injustices against eachother unless we believe there is one. Not one of us alone can save the world but together we share in the responsibility of our Lady Of Liberty - to share and give eachother all these truths. I believe She belongs to the World - to every country, nation, tribe, and people who embrace her with love, respect, and appreciation. Although she resides on our American Borders of New York, our beloved United States Of America - I believe she belongs to God - She will always belong to my father in Heaven - Our father in Heaven - She belongs to the Goddesses, the Saints, the Priests, the Clergy, the Nuns, the Rabbis, the Prophets, the monks, the 3rd world nations and to all those who love and cherish her. She belongs to America. She belongs to all of us bad and good alike whether we understand her only with our eyes or understand her with our souls. She crosses all boundaries and borders and erases all of them in truth and spirit. Those who consider her an enemy or under her watchful eyes that don't sleep seek harm in any way will be punished or will cease to exist. Some who hate her one day will grow to love her and respect her. Those that love her will only grow to love her more. She is America.

I have great faith and believe the human spirit can change - change for the better always. Our evolution is on a positive path and we are all instilled with this freedom - the freedom to change, to be who we are, and love what is right and good for ourselves. Eradicate all opression and lift up the broken hearted. This fiery call to freedom is the basis of this book and it starts with my life - my story.

I was born in Brooklyn, New York. Being a Jew born not really that long after the Holocaust has caused me and been somewhat of a hardship at times of my life.Although it has been decades after the Holocaust I have still heard the echoing of the memory and seen the visions of terror. I have heard stories of my relatives in Europe being killed by Hitler's regime. Ten million people died from World War II - Not only six million Jews but millions of Christians and people of various faiths, or many of no faith at all. There are no valid rymes or reasons but with one Golden Reason there is still hope that something such as this could never possibly happen again or enter the heart of any human being.


September 23rd, 2001

My home has been attacked by a long known Perpetrator of World Evil, Osama Bin Laden and his terrorists. My cousin Aaron's wedding was planned on September 11th, 2001 in New York. I was thinking of flying there but didn't have enough money and wanted to see Madonnas concert. I figured I'd make my special cousins something beautiful to continue their wedding on the West Coast. Much of my family flew there from various parts of the world and country including Los Angeles. On September 11th the Twin Towers were attacked by Hijacked Airplanes. As we all know now too many people passed away and I cried and cried for those I did not know and those I know who were near. I cry for New York, for my home, and remember the silence of my father. In his silence he told me 'There Will Be Justice'.


October 17, 2001 12:45 a.m.

I remember when Kennedy was shot. I was sitting in front of our little T.V. set at 859 47th Street in New York in our upstairs apartment. No one else was watching T.V. I felt so sad even at three. I just sat there and for the first time in my life I felt what injustice really felt like. I felt so much sadness and I remember his face while driving in his car. I sat there alone knowing that something wrong had been done. The wrong person had been shot. I felt a great sense of loss. I felt the whole country's loss. Yes, I was only three years old. I did not have a huge vocabulary then but watched the procession and a great man being brought down for no apparent reason other than he was a good man. Today is the American Anniversary of my father's death. October 17th is a day I remember. Tonight I cried hard. I cried for all the injustices in my life; the rapes, the torture, the lies committed against me, the false accusations against me, my recent x boyfriend lying and cheating me - using me like some kind of body without feeling. That is what he must have always felt I was. I didn't matter. My feelings didn't matter. My life didn't much matter to him but he pretended and lied so he could use me to slave for his business, his body, his ego, and his secret adoration for controlling and abusing women; for commiting sadism. I cried for Washington who had the Anthrax delivered to them by an unknown Arabic. I cried for the Senators who closed their offices. I cried for the crushing of people's beautiful bodies at the World Trade Center. I cried because America is in a State of Emergency and hellicopters ride constantly not even seeing the vicious, cruel Arabic Enemy who are doing these acts of terror. I cry because this is the day my father died. Sometimes I ask God, "How could you take someone I loved so much at such an early age? - Why?". I get no answer but this...."It is for spiritual reasons and it has made you who you are and has made you love and serve billions of people world-wide through your art, music, your dance and choreography, your prayers, your devotion, your work with the Children's World Peace Foundation". I feel sad because the ignorant are blaming Israel for this mess we are in which is a falacy. I cry because I was lied to and decieved treacherously. I know I am not the only one. I have prayed many times for billions of people's lives. I know most people do not pray on that level but I have. It is a big order to ask God to protect, take care of, heal, love, give joy, and all good to billions of people. I don't know if he is answering me. For a second there I wasn't sure if G-d really existed. I have met G-d too many times to deny G-d's beautiful presence though. I have had too many dreams, visions, and signs of God's overall love for his humanity. My new song is "Raining Rain". I will soon be done recording the song. It took me a long time to write, rewrite, and record. Ken Suzuki wrote the song with me. Ken is my guitarist from the band Sun Goddess who played with the band in the fifth version throughout the 90's. Craig Owens is producing. Craig just had 2 million copies of his song sell, "Bonafide" from the motion picture soundtrack from Paramount, "Save The Last Dance". The song lyric starts out which I wrote is: "Sometimes dreams get dusty..." The chorus goes which I wrote: "Please dust my dreams off, I've waited so long, Raining Rain...Sweet memory is gone...You were so long...Raining rain". Father if you hear me in heaven don't think I forgot you. I would never forget you or your love, your laughter, your smile, or your sadness. I will never forget that day standing in front of our Statue Of Liberty, your long warm coat, your warm hand, your silence. I know you have become one, the one I cannot turn around and look directly at; the one that watches over me, the one of all love, strength, truth, light, justice, guidance, mercy, kindess, and power.


November 25, 2001 Music has helped pull me through. For the first time in a long time I wrote a song. No title but music and words. Words from my heart. Words from my soul. No pretty pictures or lies. Some people write songs that sound pretty but do not feel them. I've done that not really knowing whom I am writing about, maybe for a dream in my mind...This song is special. It's been on my mind for years but I couldn't seem to get it out of me. It's about freedom, it's about love.


Some things are hard to talk about especially sometimes the truth. Flashback. August of 1986. I was working as a dancer at the Ivar theatre doing wild and beautiful dance shows that include ballet, jazz, gymnastics, tap, erotica, and incredible costumes from different centuries. I also danced butt naked. I hate the fact that people want me to feel ashamed because I am not. I have danced almost every dance under the sun. I've been in a classical ballet company, African dance company, Hawaiin, Tap, and umpteen other dance shows, events, and videos. I have done Mango, Salsa, and created the Rock Ballet. On this night after my show I was taken to a party and ended up being tortured and raped. There were 5 adults there. I was on the floor getting beat up and then handcuffed in the bedroom. They punched me and I was bleeding from my ears and face. Each took turns and butt fucked me. I was forced to give each head. The biggest fucker had a knife at my heart and told me he was going to cut my breast off. I do not remember everything but remember flying above my body and watching from above. I prayed to Gd for my freedom all throughout this ordeal. The big fucker strangled me and as I started to see purple Jesus was on my mind. I wasn't really afraid. I saw then an angel. The Angel told me to go back. I was on the floor and woke up. I saw the beasts going through my purse, stole all my money and pulled out my checkbook. The biggest beast seemed happy when I woke up and I told him that he could have my money. This excited them all. They continued to torture, rape, and beat me though. They made me crawl on the floor kicking me. At one point I decided I would jump off the 2nd story balcony to escape but figured I wouldn't be able to completely escape that way so I bore it and played their demon's game with them. The really sad thing was they had an almost newborn baby in the room the whole time who witnessed all of this. God is good in his own way and by morning they were ready to take me to my bank to get all my money. We were walking out the door and for one split hair of a second my chance to escape took place. These two big men stood at each side of me. The handcuffs had been on all night. I was in a hispanic area though and ran away from them. It was good I am in good shape and ran every day at the beach at that time. Everyone in the area was an illegal immigrant though and wouldn't call the police for me in fear they may be deported. So after jumping bushes and hiding I just walked into some Mexican's woman's house and grabbed her phone and called the man. It took days for them to round them all up and thank God they got the poor baby out too. All I know is the baby went to foster care. I do not know that baby's name. So sad. I went to hospital and they took proof. The really strange thing though is when the case got to court the prosecuter let the beasts out of jail. Very strange indeed. No justice. A very odd breach of justice. This was not my choice. I never got to even see them again in the court room. I was crying too much before hand. I know I will never see them again either. I went back to dance and play my music. I soon quit that job. They stole all my costumes, ID, almost everything. It is not my fault although I blamed myself all these years. It is not my fault that a person is violent.


I was also raped when I was 10 by this old man named Joe at Venice Beach. He had grey hair and lured me to his pad. I guess he was about 65. I also guess he must be dead now too. He let me get away though and didn't violently rape me. I remember walking out of his pad though with a certain darkness I never felt. Like a cloud hanging over my head that burdoned my innocence and freedom. He caused me unhappiness and I felt shame. I want to shed his ugly memory now. I want to feel my own happiness again because I am free. Still I wonder and am in a sort of awe of other girls and women who never were raped or beat. I look at them sometimes like they are of another kind of world. I wonder what it feels like to be a normal and happy child not being beat up and raped constantly, dancing and singing feeling free and rejoicing like I did when I was one. My grandfather used to incest me some growing up. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it although I know he made me feel uncomfortable. He's another whole story all together and when I think of it, it's all kind of funny although I think I have never felt the sadness over that which I should have to completely heal from his aweful madness. He used to give me money. He was a multi millionaire and I guess did have a good side. He wated me to marry Prince Charles. I could never do that. My grandfather also saved thousands of people's lives during World War II which I am glad of. Yesterday I was thinking how hard it is to be a human being, to be myself, to be hated, to be loved, to be ugly, to be wonderful and free. All the jelous people who are in my life. I prayed to be free of jelousy. Last night I didn't want to be human. I wanted to be an angel flying free, touching God's heart, touching people's hearts, making them feel love, freeing them from war, sadness, hate, greed, jelousy, strife, resentment, madness, and self. Today I accept I am human, got bored, felt lonely, and held down like a hostage in LA. I got beat up on Thanksgiving the other day. What fucking hell sometimes. I hated, I loved, I cried, and I laughed. I didn't make love to anyone though which I am missing but I am free from being beat up today from another crazy lover. I can't and won't take no more violence. Thanksgiving my brother in law, sister, and mother all jumped me and beat the shit out of me. Misplaced anger. No reason for it. I was their punching bag and went to the midnight hospital clinic. I never hit them back. I come from a pretty disfunctional and sort of half way dysfunctional family. (At times) Ha doesn't everyone. Well I guess they have their good side too. Humans. I became a semi turkey for thanksgiving. Considering I'm vegetarian anyways I didn't miss much when I finally got free and left. I don't think I'll be going back. My brother in law also pushed me into the bedroom, was in between my legs and hurting me with these strange tactics he learned in the Israeli Army. Instead of pulling him off of me which his wife and my mother should have done they started to attack me. I took a useless beating and sustained some physical injuries. I threw up all next day. My ear hurt bad. Bruises on face, head, arms, and more. What was it all for I wonder. I have a right to speak my mind which is all I did. My sister was screaming at my mother so I told her to shut her mouth. I was trying to explain to her that we could all be grateful to have eachother but she wouldn't listen. My mother wouldn't listen. I don't care anymore. No one has to listen to anything. What a bunch of misdirected people my family is. There is no talking with them now. Only God can grace them now with any kind of spiritual understanding. I cannot teach them with words and only silence will stand between us from now on. I don't know how I can forgive them but I will find a way as long as I can. Freedom is what I keep asking God for as I live on this Earth. Freedom from violence. Freedom from opression. Let me be happy please if you hear me. Don't let them steal my light away. There is enough to share for everyone. No one needs to steal my light away of happiness anymore. Please God don't let me be misunderstood anymore. Turn off the committee and take out that harsh ugly critic and judge and please get that fucker the hell out of my life.


Nov. 28, 2001 I have alot already written in many notebooks from poetry to so many songs, decades of written prayer and resentments. 4th Steps. I try to throw them away. I have heard someone say to me that "they are all vermon" referring to Arabics. I think that is aweful. I do not want to be in a blind hate against a whole world of people just because there are some that want to be hateful. I have heard the same about Jews. I've heard the same about Christians. It's all bullshit. I've gone that blinded path myself at times and don't like myself in that kind of position. Artists have helped me-musicians, painters, writers, prayerful people to keep my chin up. So much politics has made me a little sick. There was supposed to be a children's Peace Summit at the United Nations before all this shit took place. Peter says I may possibly go too. 85 world leaders are supposed to be there. I hope more will join if and ever they ever resume. I've told Peter though that I want to give my seat up for Tibet, for a representative of Tibet. This may be a revolutionary thought because the UN may never allow this. It is not by my will. I choose not to ever be a politician although I do have respect for some including my very own President. It takes courage and he sure has plenty too. Speaking of courage I think I have plenty too.


Mick Jagger came out with a new CD. His song reminds me of a dream I had which may be his dream too. "God Gave Me Everything". It's incredible. My dream was I went to God's House and he offerred me everything one could ever imagine. Zillions of things and then brought me into a bathroom with most incedible sink. He said I could have anything as long as I was grateful and asked him. After seeing everything he owned in the world I decided to leave all the things and talk to him instead cause it felt better to be closer to him instead of just carrying all these things he was giving me. He also gave me a billion mirrors I could see myself in and although I was aware and saw myself Gd was in my mind instead. God gave me everything too. Then he allowed me to be so close to him and I told him I wanted to be like that always and asked him once again to protect and take care of my family, give them love, happiness, and prosperity. The same for all my friends and most people around the world. Now I have to ask Gd to forgive my family cause they did not know what they were doing. Give them wisdom and understanding. Please give me the same and thank you. Why not give the same to everyone right now! I guess while I'm at this prayer stuff


I spoke to Bill Gates office and they are expecting my stuff too. I've got a great new creation to help protect people and I'm hoping he will help make it a reality. If not someone will somewhere or another. I need to get back to my music and dance though. I need to get a personal life. My creation is worth billions too well maybe but money was never my main goal.


NOVEMBER 29, 2001
So many lies. I'v been concerned because I warned the White House of technical crews for airports but they are still not listening completely to me as they should. Back in 1996 I asked The White House to put up specialvideo surveillance systems on ALL airplanes and add more security. I recieved letters stating they were doing a little bit of extra security. The system I want up is hidden video surveillance inside all airplanes and where the tech crews work on the fuselages as well as in cockpits. The signal is transmitted to a ground security crew as well. The pilots also will have the ability to monitor what is going on outside their doors. The truth which is most likely with alot of these planes going down is the fact that terrorists are planting bombs on some on the planes before they take off, so what the hell are air marshalls going to do if no one is watching the tech crews and what they are doing during off flight hours? The World needs to adopt Israel's security system they use on their airplanes. I've asked time and time again but America is being cheep. It would probably cost $1.00 more for each passenger. I found the corporation who will do it, Formosa USA. They are also starting to protect the water supply for America now, thank G-d. They even have offered to let the world test out their product for free to help everyone. I put them together with the UK yesterday and will get them into all of Europe and Australia during my free time for the Children's Peace Foundation. It will be more difficult for South America though because of thier economy in places. Otherwise I'm working on my songs and don't want to be a politician. This is a gift to my humanity, the Children of Gd that is all. I'd also love to feel safe when I travel.

It has been hell going through the break-up I went through with my X boyfriend. He also became violent with me because I told him I was leaving in April and grabbed my neck, threatened me with his gun which later turned out to be a be be gun. I had to leave. He was so abusive and critical. He became furious because I was dancing alone at one of his shows doing what comes naturally and getting attention. I dance and that is just part of my soul and life. I was't stripping. I was just dancing and he went crazy. He played in a band. I was managing his band and helping him with eveything including getting him into a house and renovating the house. He didn't like me getting any kind of attention, criticized my music, discouraged me from being happy. He lives in the nice house I found and fixed up while I live in a small apartment. Plus he deprived me sexually. I got to get this off my chest. Men do not seem to have any sex education at least mostly all the men I've known. So many cheat on their wives and girls. There really is no reason for it all. I have oransmed up to about 35 times in one day but not with him. I was lucky to have two with him cause he would put a time limit on our sex life. My X thought I didn't know which I didn't right at first but my feeling told me to leave him and I tried but he kept tring to keep me. So my X was secretly fucking someone else while he makes an utter and complete fool of himself. What he is really saying about himself is that he is not a real man and doesn't have the guts to get honest with himself. Everyone knows a real man only needs one woman. I know he can't feel like any kind of a real man if he can't make me feel completely satisfied being the real woman I am. I think that may be a possibility. He had me starving for sex, love, and attention and he thought that was the appropriate way to treat a woman. So many men think this same way. I also think it is highly probable that man cannot cum as much as woman. No one has ever even let me try. They always stopped me before I'm done sometimes making me cry. No one really understands me yet. Then I get these headaches because I need a real man; not two, not three, not another woman like people have made jokes of me with. Men say they don't understand women or some run around like sheiks never knowing their true manhood. They would understand women better if they could understand what a woman's true sexual needs are and allow themselves to get that intimate with one woman. Instead some men try to go out and prove themselves men by fucking different people not knowing there is only a need for one. I could have definitely kept him busy enough. There is no sex education in schools and I feel teenagers should be taught that too so they can get prepared for a beautiful marriage and truly understand their partner later in life. I feel there would also be less sickness too. There would be less fighting, less divorces, less arguments, and the children would suffer much less. Women I speak to don't even know their own capabilities. Of course starvation is a whole other matter altogether. I know what abstinence feels like as well. My boyfriends who became violent with me or hostile also completely turned me off. Alot of people stuff their feelings because of this. I know I have. Men who have tried to opress me and my true womanhood are really just uneducated ignorant men and it surely is a pity never to really know real manhood and what it feels like to completely satisfy even just one woman. Well good by to the fools of the past. It is kind of funny though how my X is secretly proud of having two women and shows it off to his freinds who sometimes are ironically envious of him. It only proves how inadequate of a real man he really is and he doesn't even know it the poor man. He may go on like this the rest of his life but he wouldn't let me teach him. He wouldn't listen to me. He'll go on being cheatful, hostile, abusive to women all because he is too afraid to love and trust just one. That is not my problem. He went ahead and dragged me through court unnecessarily again like David did without any cause what soever other than the fact that he doesn't know how to really please and satisfy me. I let him keep my posessions and left but he wouldn't let me go for months on end. I blocked his phone number and he just made up bullshit and filed it in court. I had to answer and play lawyer. God I pray he just let's go of me. First he proposes marriage to me, plans to have a child with me then beats the heck out of my little dog, and me emotionally, financially, and somewhat psychologically. Why the hell did he attack me physically? He terrorized me and made me so sad. Is that the way to make someone want to stay with someone? Not for me it's not. I know I have great lawsuits against him and a lawyer called me about it but I can't stand the thought of even dealing with him, seeing him again, and really do not want his money, his presence, his music, his mind, or his cock. He owes me plenty of money but he'll just have to learn his own way through life. I don't feel like puking over him anymore. It's a pity that so many of these men just tried to use me for the little bit of money I had or steal my diamonds I worked for and bought myself. Men are supposed to be giving diamonds not stealing them. Talk about Taliban. This is in America! I also feel that is why men think they have to dominate in politics and business. They are trying (some) to ignore their true manhood and trying to prove to women they can be dominant at something. So overall they pay women less money, hire women less in all spheres of business and reall try to opress women maybe not even knowing it because of their inadequacy as real men and lack of sexual education. Why is only a man President in the United States? To tell men it is ok that they can't cum as much as women and it is ok to be in ignorance. What America is really saying is that men are smarter to handle the job but I feel differently. There may be a woman who is just as capable if not more capable of being the President as any man is. Why do most of the muslim nations cover and hide or opress their women? Secretly most men are intimidated by women and through hostility and anger at their own ignorance will opress the very essence of what God is really trying to tell everyone. We all need to free eachother. It is very cowardly of man, period to opress women as a whole anywhere. I still need to find myself a real man and pray that one day Gd allows me that one chance in life. Going through all the relationships I've gone through I as of yet to learn what true love is between a man and woman. Now I'm not talking about Jesus or mankind, or Mary and the children of Gd. I'm talking about between me and a real man not a half of a coward like the last few.


November 2, 2001
I was devastated over the death of George Harrison. I have two newborn cousins coming into the world any day now though, one in New York and the other in Ohio. The Beatles were the first band I danced to. I was only 3 and 4 when I used to listen to them and learned about them. I took their music into the garden in New York and used to dance by myself with tiny go go boots. No one else was around to dance with me but that was my freedom. THESE LAst 1 1/2 weeks I've been playing George Harrison's song, "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" on my baby grand piano singing it and praying for him at the same time. It kind of shocked me though to find out he was gone from this world. I was angry most of the day and finally broke down into tears by night. I knew something was strange the night before because I big star fell from my window during the wee hours while I lay asleep waking me up making some noise. I hung it up for X Mas and to remind me of New York in the snow with my father. That was his big star I think. Then my light went on and off by itself and the ceiling light has acted strangely but then again my TV also has turned itself on and off too. Some say it just may be electrical but who knows. Like the day I had the fire here and while trying to call 911 the phone mysteriously unplugged itself out of socket making me have to put out pretty big fre myself and with my Star Coat. The fire dept. finally came to clean up the mess though. I now always put matches under water before putting in trash because even though it looks like it is out, I don't know, it somehow may have started something here. I've also been working on my new song. I know George Harrison will be missed. I had to give his Bangladesh Album away though to one my assnine lawyers for trade awhile back. Billy Preston did the benefit and later I performed with Billy for "That's The Way God Planned It". Billy is a brother and knows the program. We partied hard all of us though. Diana Ross was there and she snubbed me. I asked her if I could sing with her one day and she looked at me as If I were no one, with a nasty look and anger and said, "Who are you to ask me that?" She didn't know yet I was singing with Billy. But who wants to sing with her anyway. I did see that ugliness in her when she looked down at me and thought she was so much more glorious than me. I am in no competition with her but later her publisher came to me with her songs not knowing it was still me. I have my own songs though and play other artists I like. Poor thing getting put in jail that time. I felt sorry for her. If she only knew what I went through she'd laugh at her self more about it.

I feel so sad though about George H though and everyone who has been crying, one in particular but that is my privacy.



One of my friend's Shari, a writer once tried to match me up with some rich man, I think his name was John Rockefeller. I know he was a Rockefeller though. I didn't know she was trying to force him on me. When I ame over to her house like usual he as there as well as her live in boyfriend. It was very uncomfortable to me them trying to force us together. He showed me a bunch of pictures of his estate and horses. He was also getting very drunk. I wasn't drinking. He had three girlfreinds. I wasn't interested in him or being a harem member. He finally fell asleep on the floor drunk. I insisted that he didn't drive himself home. Shari was all mad at me and told me how stupid I was not to be with him. She really made me sad. This was the first time I saw her angry at me. Shari is the type to take a man though for his property, money, jewels and then dumps them afte she gets everything. I've seen her do it a good number of times. I don't know but I'm just different. I've never done that. I did date one other very very wealthy man though. He was listed in Newsweek for having the most gold mines. His house was real famous used for layouts for many things. But he was alot older than me, probably in his 70's. I also did like him at first and yep he could fuck and made me feel good. He was supposedly Victoria Principal's lover too. But I cut it short when I found another women in his life. He also bought me a ring but it was a cubic zerconia. It was aweful! I felt so hurt. I would have possibly given him another child but he kept holding back love from me and was cold to me. I left. He was a real asshole and wouldn't help me with any business. I had one guy offer me a big vault full of diamonds if I'd be his. This vault was huge and taller than me but something told me he was making his money illegally so I sort of ran for my life and left him and the diamonds there. I'd rather feel secure and safe in a relationship. Another guy offered all his real estate to me but I couldn't take it from him and didn't want to hurt his feelings by taking it from him when I wasn't sexually attracted to him. Now all these guys should have met shari if they didn't care about real love. I cannot remember their names now. So Shari called me stupid for not using men. She also told me that I'm not a good enough songwriter. I don't talk to Shari much anymore. I can't understand why she always called me her best friend. I never really felt that way. She made me doubt myself some and cry. She has a big house, all kinds of diamonds and jewels and keeps complaining she doesn't have enough money. She never talks about love. I feel sad for her for a moment. She made me think I was stupid for not using men like her. She's also never been in love with any one but Danny who she was supposed to marry in her early days. She got on the road with the Stones once as a groupie. She has all these pictures of her with Rock Stars such as Ted Nugent and others. I knew her when I was only 16 with Rodney Bingenheimer of KROQ. I tried to help her career as a writer but she kept closing it. I gave up plus her cruelty with my expression really blew the lid off our freindship.


Dec. 3, 2001 Now this excerpt sounds more like a diary. But its kind of fun to me. I hope I do not get anyone offended. I saw VH1 awards. Wanted to go but wasn't invited like usual. Plus I got a thing about my little 7 pound doggy. I hate to leave her alone too long. She's my one true friend out of many and tells me things in doggy language. She says, "She wants to be on MTV with me and make out with the funny other MTV doggy". I've been teaching her but I never had to teach her how to kiss my face or hand or that of others. She likes people mostly, cats, and my pet squirrel that lives outside. She's gonna tear the tongue out of that MTV doggy with love if I ever get to go there.


I have a strong imagination and would love to be with Mick Jagger. He is the hottest and sexiest man around town. If I'd want to be anyone's groupie it would be his as long as I could make love to him every night and day. That man has picked me up with his music when I was flat on the ground. When he did the Steel Wheels tour I took the bus all the way in the rain soaking wet and stood outside without a pass to get in. I cried so hard outside. There were so many people inside like 70 thousand I believe or so. I thought I may never get to see his show that night. But my keyboardist worked on his crew and came outside and found me and took me inside and put me near the front row in front of 70,000 people. I was so happy to see that show. He seems to never age with all that energy. My good friend Linda Russo who used to play guitar for me was in love with them and bragged how she got back stage to me. The fans were nice and I found a bunch of strangers to ride me home. Linda, that keyboardist, some other musicians, and myself recorded other songs not heard by anyone about the same time. Another time I got arrested before I could see his show in front of his concert grounds cause the guy I was with had a tiny thing of drugs and pulled it out. We were together to see his show but before he could give me any the cops came up to us and and ruined his concert for us. They let me go though but I missed that one. That was a long time ago. I asked his record label if I could tour with him this time. But I know he may be doing theatres and probably can't have my band. I am not in rehearsal with the band though now. The drummer did some bad stuff but I may forgive him. The guitarist is here back from Japan after being told he had to leave country awhile back with his wife and kids. His kids are I guess my God Children and they call me auntie Debbie. His wife is very special too. The girl version of my band is over with. Roxanne tried to beat me up being jelous that the magazines were only writing about me and not her at the time. The guitarist Chris robbed me and stole my sacred 1883 St. Crucifix and my credit card. She was so cold and mean to me. They turned on me after being so kind to them and flaked out on the shows. I guess it may be better to stay solo so I write. My freind Gigi wants to book me for House Of Blues. I don't know who I can call to do the show if I do it at all. I don't know but Michael my drummer threatened me with a lawsuit over a trifle and I thought that quite unjust considering all the money I spent and borrowed for the band. I had our printer and he threatened to sue me over it. I don't like being threatened at all. A real friend would never need to take me to court or would even think of it. I know I can't write all the truth here like I want to cause MR X Yankee Rose threatens me for years. He tortured me. He did worse than cheat, steal, or have a baby with another woman and I don't need to ever experience that stuff again. He persecutes me psychologically and actually almost killed me. All I ever did was pray for him, love him, give him. I gave him a diamond ring, jewelry, gifts, costumes, spent almost every dime on that man. He called me up while he was screwing another girl and did the sarcasm version of "Will you marry me" routine, then hung up on me and was so ungrateful for my music and videos I made for him. Never a thank you. Instead he made up a big cocking bull story and pretended he didn't even know me. He told the world he never met me. He lied. He was once in love with me. He denied that he had ever called me and made people think I was crazy. He psychologically damaged me. His friend Gregg Bisonette ripped my dress and was violent to me for no good reason what so ever. NO REASON AT ALL. David knew at that time that I liked to hang out at The Cat N The Fiddle English Pub and followed me there on purpose, sat down at the bar next to me and started a sad scene. He made millions of dollars out of songs based on me and at least admitted that to friends but when I needed surgery he held onto his money. He kept the jewels and gifts (some of the them) and threw me away and also destroyed the only pictures I had left of my father and I together god rest his soul. He is as bad as the Taliban is and don't you forget it. I am tired of being threatened by him. It's embarrassing to admit but he did severe crimes which I may need to talk about later. I can't take his unjust anger anymore. He could have taken me on tour but instead broke up my bands which I worked so hard on. He opressed me. He could have been kind, giving, supportive, and nurturing. He was mad that I danced, that I modeled, that I am sexual and at times men are attracted to me. He thought he was the only one that could be that way. Ramp modeling was not fullfilling to me. Ford models said I was too short. Another modeling agency said my look was too hard. Another said if I didn't pay them a bunch of money I was not going to make it with them. I don't care about modeling agencies now. I once had goals of gracing the covers and some centers of high fashion mags but I did not get there. Instead I did private poto shoots alot with the famous photographers from most of the high fashion mags such as Martin Martin who made it to the Vogue sort of Hall of Fame for his works and did the cover for Life and with Kathy Amerman who did some of the biggest stars of all time as well as most of the beauty covers in Europe. We had fun with our own arts. Kathy also chanted with me some Nam Myo Ho Renge Quo. Never throw a Gohonzon away I learned. I learned how to pray in Japanese too. Got a call yesterday from Henry Jones who I did a bunch of work with and who used to semi manage my music. Apparently he just got back from Iraqu and did a film to uncover injustice. He is an old platonic team freind. I felt sad that he stated that they arrested him and his film crew in Iraqu thinking they were spying for CNN. They weren't. Henry is just a film maker. He didn't eat for 10 days. The film is called "Red Herring" and he called for my music. He's taking the film to all the people. I'm not sure what it is about but he must be doing something good, maybe. I always thought Henry should marry Gigi. Gigi also writes and did some great things for the world. I got her a job with Muhammad Ali at one point. Gigi put me in different concerts over the years and we won 23 awards together for a production we did together. She moved closer to me now and I'm encouraging her to finish her screenplay which is more geared for the African American Hero. The world needs more movies like that. She doesn't want to do slave films but wants to focus on more positive things than slavery. She wants me to play a smaller role in the movie, probably one of the only few white heros in the film who does good business actions in the film and supports equality in the film. Maybe this film will one day be made. I still have now 3 new songs I want to record. Well one I wrote awhile back but didn't do it yet. Maybe I will get to do that. I forgot to mention how I thought No Doubt was very good too on the show. I thought Nelly was great. Mick was the absolute custest and best though. The song got to me. Everyone was great. Wish I could have been there. I opened the door and it was raining. All of this has helped me get my mind off the war, thank you God for all this stuff. If Mick ever reads this I want to tell you I love you and thank you. I'm your anything you want me to be. I hope I can bring you up too somehow. It's still raining rain here. Thank God my song is almost complete. Tired. Please God don't make me feel ashamed or shy to feel good feelings and set me free from Puntive People too. God knows my secret prayers now. Told Peter Georgi by message to help secure Lady Liberty now for opening soon. I also gave him Hillary's phone number. I wonder when they will open her Island.

Nov 4th 3 40 am. I have continued this into my diary now which is now another link on my main page. God something is pushing me to make Liberty Open Up. I guess we all open up Ms. Liberty together so she can be filled with life again.


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